Milan Style

This is a picture of Guy Ritchie and Jacqui Ainsley on their wedding day, posted online by the new Mrs Ritchie with the caption “Happiest day of my life”. Don’t they look charming, and haven’t they got a lovely garden? Even so, I always feel anxious in the context of second weddings (in case you need reminding, Guy Ritchie was previously married to Madonna). As a second wife, I am all too aware of the potential for gaffes and upsets. Nine years after my own wedding I’m breaking out in a sweat just thinking about everything that could go wrong.

• Jacqui Ainsley wears Phillipa Lepley to marry Guy Ritchie in dreamy countryside wedding

First of all it goes without saying (although in my experience the rules of second weddings need clear spelling out) that you need to put plenty of clear water between this big day and the other one. If he got married inSkibo Castle, you don’t want to rebook Skibo Castle, for example. This much might seem glaringly obvious, but men marrying for the second time are oblivious to the horror of pressing the repeat button. My husband was all set to wear his old morning dress – featuring, as far as I could tell, cake stains from his first Special Day – and that’s not all. The honeymoon plan was to take me to a certain hotel in the south of Italy where… Hello! Hello! Distance, distance, distance. Very important.

Second, the speeches. There can be no jokes in the best man’s speech about test runs or trade-ins, and no references in the groom’s speech to The First Marriage – especially not an apology along the lines of: “As some of you know I’ve been here before…” shrug, shuffle. Equally you don’t want “I stand here the proudest man on God’s Earth with the only woman I have ever loved”. For a start this probably isn’t true, and those year-zero statements are quite disturbing for the children of the first marriage, who will be there, hanging on his every word.

Pictures: casual wedding dresses

Ritchie with then-wife Madonna in 2008

Generally, children awareness is the first priority at second weddings. You want to strike a balance between “We are very happy, this is a new chapter”, and “MUMMY WAS NOT THE ONE, OK?” That said, don’t be tempted in a fog of pre-wedding, great big onion love to ask Mummy. Mummy might come.

On the subject of children awareness – how much they should be involved in the proceedings is a tricky one. I say let them bring a friend and make sure they’re having fun; maybe don’t ask them to write a poem honouring the occasion and read it out in church while dressed as the angel of love.

• The stigma of my starter marriage has never left me

Also, no bridal crying. You will want to cry on account of seeing your dad all dressed up and proud even though he thought it was never going to happen (not that he minded one bit). Resist whatever you do. Sobbing at second weddings looks like relief, guilt, regret. You don’t want to look too triumphant, either. There’s a whole book in this, to be honest.